Hello readers, as this is my first daddy blog (writing from a Dad’s perspective), I guess I’d like to introduce myself.
My name is Vincent and the owner of this blog plus our Smiley Organics website, Cathy, is my wonderful wife.
We have two children Isaac and Natalie at 5 and 1 respectively, and so a lovely family of 4.
Balance is a juggling act for me at times! I have a full time job in the city and so after work, there’s more work!
Work never ends! After your full time job which earns $$$, you go home and put on another work hat, to look after the kids, eat with them, bath them, take them to sleep, and still there is work! The dishes! As I write this first blog, I start to reflect on the difference of today’s generation of Father’s compared to our historical generations.
Historically, it was the man, the father, the male, that would go out and do all the work, find the $$$ required to bring home for the family, whilst the woman, the mother, the female would be at home and their work would be from the house chores, to the cooking, to looking after the kids.
But as time goes by, we see women rights rise into power which had a change in society with a rise to women in the workforce and dual household income which then sees a change in the father’s role in looking after the family.
Today’s fathers compared with our fathers in the past are much more hands on in the household. From helping delivering the baby, to changing nappies, bathing the baby, clothing them, feeding them, putting them to sleep, there is a more fairer share from the father’s point of view than ever before.
Now I believe there’s always the exception but from what I see around me and from my experience, I do believe that as today’s Father’s we share more of the workload within the house and the kids.
So am I saying there’s something wrong with this? It all depends how you see it. Why did we have kids in the first place? =) Surely there’s not that many accidents in our world today!
There is actually nothing wrong with this, and as Father’s we should actually embrace and cherish these times, because if you were the Father who works out in the workforce nonstop with no time for the kids, then I believe it’s tough, because you don’t get your chance to spend this precious time with the kids, seeing them grow up, getting into all sorts of cuteness and mischief in their early years!
However in saying all this, there is always this thought at the back of my head, how come I have NO MORE TIME? If both you and your wife work full time or even part time, you will spend your weekdays working your job, then home, kids, dinner, bath, sleep and by then, it could be 9pm and depending how much you want to have your own time, or time with your partner before your time, you could end up only have less than an hour’s time for yourself (This also depends on when you decide to sleep, so if you are a late sleeper, then you have more time, but less sleep which means you tend to get more tired).
I feel I have no time at times. No time for the garden, no time for the tv, no time to go out at night with the boys, no time for my PS4/PC. It is true however that we do not have enough time in this world, but that’s simply because there is too much things to do nowadays compared with the past!
Hence as Father’s, and as good Father’s, the inevitable has come to know that because what we chose, to marry and to have kids, it is out of our love and our responsibility as a man and a Father to focus our priorities and allocate a fair share of time to our career, family, kids, wife and whatever is needed all before…..”ME”.
And this is my personal advice and my personal sharing of thoughts, is that if you focus too much on “ME” (yourself) which is what this generation is all about (narcissism), you could be affecting your family.
For example, you focus too much on your career, and although you earn all the $$$ you can, less time with your kids and your wife can have effects on your child’s upbringing. We see and hear so many stories about kids waiting for their dads to hopefully arrive to see them do a play at school or some sort of performance at school, and when they see that empty seat, their heart is empty and sad and they have no motivation whatsoever to continue with what they want to do.
Sadly your kids will never understand or will ever care how much you earn out there, even though it is all for their future. What they want is YOU, your time, because they LOVE you and LOVE being around you. My son always ask me to play with him but sometimes I say no and they just drop their shoulders and pull you a sad face! When you say yes, they beam with joy and starts to get energetic! These times are precious and you can never rewind and play these again. I feel it is good to reflect on this. It’s a tough world these days, but I think it is good time to choose a job that has work life balance in order for you to spend time with the family during this stage in life before continuing the career if possible.
My other example is that I tend to sometimes want too much time for myself that I don’t spend enough quality time with my wife. Ever heard of the saying “happy wife, happy life”? It is so true! So in order to get this balance right is to ensure that she is happy. How? Well it can all go back to dating days for the romantics, but apart from that, relieving her as much as you can possibly can (as my wife works full time – superwoman).
So you see, at the end of the day, it all comes to balance, putting your fair share in for the family and your loved ones. I find it so true that when you start entering relationships, getting married, having kids, and going through the ups and downs in life, life is not about you…
When you’re in some situations in life that are not so straight and the going gets tough, life is about sacrifices, sacrificing yourself for the ones you love. There’s a million ways to see this, but if you still see $$$ is ahead of everything else, it could be that the going is tough and the only way is $$$ to survive, and if that is the case, the best thing to do here is to always communicate with your wife and kids. And hopefully if there is that little time available, you would spend time with them and cherish.
Now we’ve all got our own different lives and stories and everyone is different, so at no point I am saying the above is correct. The main point I’d like to share is all about balance in life so everyone is happy. It is just like your health. A good diet balance gives you good health and for you to live longer. The balance in life is so that the relationships are happy and everlasting. I’d hope you would reflect on the decisions you have made to be here and the vows that you have made. I believe as a true man, husband and father that we must uphold these and be responsible for these decisions we have made.
For tips on work-family balance for dads, please click here!
I found 8 TED Talks about work life balance, quite interesting as well! Feel free to head over there to have a look!
So are you in balance? What are your thoughts? Keen to share? Would love to hear from you!
Thanks for reading!
Vincent @ Smiley Organics